update: typical 20's something year old lifestyle is my vibe atm.
i left my job making hats after 1 year because there was no career availability there and it was low pay, i was also being paid lower than i should have been. anyway now i don't know what job i will be doing next, atm looking into warehouse work with good pay so i can finally just get on my feet. so i'm unemployed, going through a break up and i just spent £33.50 on 3 books from amazon.
1. "the becoming of bodies: girls, images, experience (politics today)"
2. "crush (yale series of younger poets)"
3. "bad feminist - roxane gay"
so yeah i don't have a clue what i am doing, some days i am just trying to keep myself creatively busy, making clothes or painting or cutting things out of magazines… pointlessly. i spend my money on make up and clothes, i have resisted buying clothes quite well actually but i am always snooping in charity shops so not really. i have a gym membership i haven't been to in over a month, eeeshk, it's winter…
i'm not happy living in oxfordshire, it's not for me, i jumped on the chance of going to university after college just as a quick fix to get away, southampton was great but i made a lot of wrong decisions to do with my choice of studies and came home. brilliant. i've had a couple of jobs since and got a car, nothing has changed. basically i need a plan and that's what i'm working towards. i'm a little lost but i'm determined to focus on my passions and explore them more. i feel completely frustrated and stunted in the area i live in, i miss meeting new people every day and knowing more people like me.
i'm in a mix of applying for quick-fix/temporary well paid jobs, whilst also applying for jobs in london which realistically i am so under-qualified for and unsure about anyway.
everyone in their twenties acts like they've got their shit together and have a "plan" … and yes that may be true for some, but not for me and i know i'm not the only one. i'm not scared that i haven't figured everything/anything out yet, i'm only 21. i'm going to work hard, keep painting/making e.t.c (even if it's rubbish), read my new books when they arrive… and some more, do everything that makes me happy, maybe even start properly blogging about things i love, surround myself with loyal, encouraging friends and be brave, enthusiastic and stay focused.
also sometimes i don't like capital letters and today is one of those times, chill.